New Beginnings by 7ala Abdullah

Posted on April 7, 2011 by

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We awaken each morning to a clean slate.

Every step we take either blots it or purifies it further. But it doesn’t matter; it never matters. When we close our eyes at the end of the day, it all fades away. We wake up again to a blinding whiteness. New day, new choices. New life. But some things aren’t so easy to erase. Some things stick with us day in and day out. Some things can’t be fixed by the simple act of closing our eyes. Some things are permenant – or at least more long-lasting than others. Some things leave a huge disgusting stain on our lives that we are powerless to clean.

I try to shrug you off but you’ve never left my shoulders. I’ve never been alone, but there’s a certain death that comes along with being left behind. I’m left in this godless place and you’re no where to be found.

You used to be so caged and I used to be so free and now I feel like irony’s having a laugh at our expense. You’re finding out how it feels like to have wings and I’m finding out how it feels to have my wings cut off. You’ve set out on this new adventure; all excitement and spontaneity, and I seem to have made a home of this painful rut I’ve found myself stuck in.

Would you save some room for me in case I get to fly again? Because like the tide to the moon, I’ll always be drawn to you. You’ve shined down on me in the darkest hours and now I’m left in the black come sunset.

Would you have stayed, had I asked?

Should I have asked?

It feels like this is where it all stops. When I open my eyes every morning, your beautiful face sits stubbornly on my canvas. I long for the days when it used to be all white, all clean.

All-new.

But I still long for you. And maybe this isn’t an end.

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