Turning Point by Nabeela Al-Afifi

Posted on December 25, 2011 by

1


Walking the night alone with the devil my by side whispering words of sin.

All the angels have departed because there’s no more love on my mind

because this day is like no other

it is like no other, indeed.

I’m walking this lonely street thinking of what could have been

If fate and hope were by my side? What could have been?

Would I still be golly and alive?

If your lies of forgiveness and approval did not get to me

what could have been?

If your mouth only spoke heavenly things

If your eyes looked at me the way they used to

what could have been?

Would I still be golly and happy and gay?

These questions are always in the back of my mind

haunting me like beautiful things always do

I’m always awaked from my slumber by a powerful nudge

telling me to face the truth

to answer the questions that have been haunting my youth

I ignore and I ignore and I ignore

because I cannot let go of what could have been, whatever that might have been

your presence, like the first zephyr of summer drifting by oh so swiftly

It blew me away and blinded me from the painful truth

you came running to me and meddled your way through

your so called love was oh so bright

it twirled me around and around like some ballroom dancer.

‘till birds were dancing around my head and I was now in a land of red roses

I picked up a rose and before I could rip out it’s pedals, I already knew that answer to the haunting question

nonetheless, I ignored and I ignored and I ignored

I’m sitting in bed, senseless without a pitch

listening to the ticks and tocks of the amorphous clock

Screams of misery and despair echoing in the back of my mind

“He does not love you and neither do you” It whispers. And it hits my heart like sharpened shards of glass

Each letter, of each word, knocks me over ‘till I see purple spots of truth

Ones that I have seen before but never actually seen

Hoarse tears running down my red-tinted cheeks

Why haven’t I ever listened to my hearts constant need

I begin to remove the masks I drew on so precise

strip by strip, it’s like I’m losing my mind

molten tears run down my cheeks

I look in the mirror, my face half naked,

and I wonder, who have I been these past few tantalizing years?

I give myself another minute and look into that painful mirror again

My face fully naked with its faults and flaws

‘What have I done?’ I whisper to myself

Loosing oneself is not an easy thing to do!

it’s like forgetting to tie ones shoes.

I look in the mirror for the last time

and I realize I should have listened to my heart all along

Because when you lose yourself

your heart, a bundle of nerves, is the only thing that knows you best.

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