Letter by Mayadah Al Turki

Posted on March 12, 2012 by

0


Dearest loved,

I’m writing you this from a train, I have finally done it, after collecting and saving I am leaving our god forsaken place. The place I spent sleepless nights, paranoia and heartache. I stayed so long for our memories, the first time we met, the first time you saw me cry, when you held me and promised never to leave. Every laugh and word spoken out of love linger, we thought we could have everything. I never had the will to escape such beautiful pain.

But while space between us grew our memories turned into black and gray blotches that would attack me in my sleep, remind me that you are gone and I am empty.

Day in and day out I worked on leaving, remembering myself before you came, piecing together the strength to forget you. Hard, considering you possessed my soul, infested my thoughts and intoxicated my every heartbeat. I was alone and vulnerable but I tried, I recollected my body and my mind, minus our memories and once achieved, I finally left. And even after I boarded this train long ago, it was tiring and gruesome. It feels like we’ve been going through the same tunnel for a few months now, it’s dark and for a while I couldn’t see the light at the other end but as I write you this I can make out a hint of bright white a few days away. I think I’m the only one that sees it though, the sparkle of hope. Everybody else still has their head dangling between their shoulders, as I did when I first boarded. But I know I won’t look like them again. I’ll keep my heart out of reach and I will move on because after today you never existed.

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