Letter by Yara Al Howar

Posted on March 12, 2012 by

0


Dear Dad,

To all those times you have told me I was your little angel, to the times you promised me you’d protect me from anything and anyone, no matter what the cost is. To all those times you have picked me up gently and placed me on your lap just to tell me words that would make me feel safe. Words that have made me feel loved. I was a kid, I wasn’t really able to fully comprehend the meanings of those soothing words that have been on reply till you finally paused it when I turned ten.

I remember how good it felt like feeling stable, with your feet firmly stuck on solid ground. I miss how it felt like knowing I had a hero. Funny how when I look back at times when you were my everything, the world with all it’s good and all it’s bad. Well, back then my idea of “bad” wasn’t tis precise.. I remember the worst it ever got was when Courage the Cowardly dog never told them who the bad guys were, so they just didn’t know. I remember seriously wondering if you ever had a hero suit under your bed, whether it came with a cape or not, too. I remember the foolish kid the I was, playing spy.. Going in disguise as a ninja or something. Hiding in corners, wondering if it was really just a thoub you wore to work everyday.

It was so simple. It was all about “Would you want me to tell daddy you did that? Now, you know how much he loves you.” That was all it took for my face to turn red, for my tongue to tie in knots, and for my little palms to get all sweaty. I remember how you would get so annoyed at me when I used to spill milk on the carpet and try to cover it up, but the smell eventually rats me out. Remember when that was our idea of an evil plan? I felt like such a bad ass little kid. I would apologize to you ever so innocently, tell you I loved you because you have always said you did, too.

It took me sixteen years to realize, the water isn’t as clear as it once was. Let me ask you a question, does the 13th of September ring any bells? Special days? Anything at all? No? I thought so. I was once your little angel, and now you look me but you can’t quiet see me yet. Daddy, look at me .. Really look at me. I won’t disappoint you, I’m a princess and you’re a king remember? I promise I’ll make you proud if you try one more time. Just one last time.

 

But no, I can see it in your eyes. They’re colder than they were ten years ago, so are your hands. What have they done to you? Where’s that man I once promised I’d grow up to be like someday? Where’s my hero, where’s my king? Because I miss him. I miss him so much.

 

It’s not about them dad, it’s about us. Whatever they say, it doesn’t matter. Nothing does, that’s the way it should be. I have tried to free my self of this prison they have put me in, and I can’t. I’ve saved my self so many times, but right now I need you to save me. No one else can save me from something only you and I can see. So look at me once more, don’t keep your eyes shut. Because I don’t want to let you go. Not this way.

Hide and Seek, Daddy. I’ll count till three and when I open my eyes, promise me you’ll be here.

1,2,3

Love,

Your little angel

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