Skin by Dona

Posted on February 10, 2013 by

1


My dearest, I know you better than you have ever known yourself. That day you took a cushion with your eyelids insides. Trying to block your feelings from penetrating your soul. Trying to isolate that soul where it was falling to its knees with love. That was your way not to surrender.

Over there, I felt your muscles twitching your eyebrows into a frown. I also felt your fingertips pressing the bb buttons as you tried to articulate a feeling. Is it writers block, or did writing fail you, too?

Nobody knows how disconnected you are. They see you communicating and answering questions, thinking everything is alright. Nobody knows that the last time you really looked, heard, talked or even touched was a time so old you don’t even remember.

I have wrapped you till every corner of me is embedded within you. I have imprinted myself upon your every limb and surface. I took part among your every living organ. Do you understand the literal meaning of “we are one”? “We are inseparable”?

You have lived through your childhood and adolescence with me being a recessive part of your life. All until you were touched by love and I gave you the feeling you needed to experience in order to appreciate me.

It was only then that your nerve endings started burning instead of sensing. A signal had thrust into your spine so deliberately and moments later, your heart started beating as fast as your thoughts; wondering what’s wrong with you. I even felt that thread of sweat that trailed its line across your chest. I knew exactly how you were feeling, and I took role into magnifying those feelings as to teach you how to appreciate what you have never had the blessing to experience before.

Love was always a part of you.

It lies in the core of your essence. It makes the stem of your soul.

Your heart won’t possibly beat without love.

Love wraps you, completely. It is everywhere.

Every leaf has a date to leave its tree and its roots, to fly away aimlessly till it reaches a different life. I witnessed your life changes once you have met this Love, and you thought you have reached your destination. Little did you know back then. You have only matured a little with your own tree, and decided to determine what your roots were going to be. You chose roots corresponding to this love. You rebuilt your whole life upon that Love, upon that one person.

I was supposed to teach you how to love, and let you understand the philosophy of it. But you were so demanding, yearning relentlessly for the touches I once gave you. I have often hinted you the instinct to thread your fingers across me to let you relive that feeling. Even when you were far lonely, I tried my best to maximize your feelings till you forgot how it felt like to feel independent. I have failed you to please you. I forgot my responsibilities to protect you from harm.

Dearly beloved, you ought to know that love was supposed to strengthen you. To give you those roots to the grounds you’d like to be, and keep you entangled to the life you have chosen. But whenever love is impeded with a person, your universe balance is disrupted. You’d either live an endless reckless pleasure, or suffer the greatest feeling of loss. It’s proportional to this person you have chosen. It is rare for anyone to fall into the hands of an angel. Your person has failed you.

Whenever love fails you, you lose the connection you once had with your soul. You enter a dark, endless tunnel that leaves no feeling to thrive. Your body would have been easily called a corpse, if not for the one blessing you have: to ignore. But your limits have exceeded you. To ignore the itch that love-loss had given you, you are losing your inner self. You are losing you.

I have lost your appreciation. I have lost my rights as an essential part of you. I have been struggling around to grab the attention of your feelings again, but everything had turned out to be a failure. If explanations can win you back to me, and you could feel me more proudly as before, then maybe you can glow again. Maybe we can be one again. Maybe you wont be cold again, and I can give you warmth the way I am supposed to do. I am here besides you.

Just don’t forget how love wraps us. How love is everywhere. You will never have strong roots if you continue to follow one fallen leaf after the other. Be one, be yourself, grow independent, thrive in me; your own skin, and you’ll find true love right then.

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