Wanderlust by Felwa Al Saud & Nouf Al Nafisee

Posted on March 10, 2013 by

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I am a prisoner in a mind that is not my own. I have lied in thorns and hydrangeas, but none of that mattered as long as my head was buried in your dark wavy strands. You see, I always knew I could find myself in you, but I needed to help you find yourself first.

 

You have left me stranded in the middle of the Sahara where the air scorched my lungs. Smoke came out of my mouth when I swear there was no nicotine in my system. You put me through hell and unleashed your demons when I swear I had not sinned. They engulfed me and I made a home out of them, that’s how much I wanted you.

 

You had left me naked in the arctic. I knew you heard my each and every scream, begging you for the warmth that once enveloped my existence. The noise wouldn’t go away, it just wouldn’t. You held my jaw open and crashed my frozen teeth back together a million times each second I stood before a never-ending view of frothy white. Ironically, that was the only thing that kept me alive. I crashed and you burned, and I sought warmth in your glow.

 

You then turned into an animal. You pushed me against a tree while scarring my back with your claws. The jungle heat was getting to me ,and to be honest, I was oblivious to a solution. The hunger in your eyes scared and fascinated me, so I couldn’t help but surrender as prey.

 

You tied a rope around my waist and pulled me up a mountain. Even though the air was thin and my brain was hungry for oxygen, my lungs never felt so full. You pushed my upper back and made my chest thrust forward with pride for what I had, for what I was. But then you walked your way around me and knocked me backwards off the peak.

For a moment in midair, it struck me just how much I loved you, all of you. And it didn’t feel like I was falling, it felt like I was flying.

 

But then I reached the hard ground far from gracefully as my back snapped and my rib cage collapsed. I decided I was done with you and it was all over, but the valley was dark and I could hear you cry. You were weak, but I was always weaker. You said you needed me, but that was just a hallucination. I knew how strong you were, how little I was actually needed in your life, and how I wouldn’t dare let you know that.

 

Till we were at sea, you took me under. The sea-water trickled its path down my airway as it filled its way into me. In your presence, it was so salty, yet so so sweet. You were unstable then. You kept burying my head deeper into the water in order to save yourself, you were so selfish, so confused, so lost in your emotions. You didn’t know whether you wanted to save or kill me. I thought I’d drown my sadness but it learned how to swim, how to float right back to the top, unlike me, unlike us.

 

And finally, when you were done with the sea, your waves spat us out onto the warm shore. You lied there drenched, content, and smiling at me. The crinkles around your eyes deepened. The sand found its way under your nails and coated your back. I saw the broiling sun in your eyes. I saw the stability. I saw the acceptance. I saw the part of you that always kept me coming back.

 

I’ll always stay because my wanderlust weighs me down like an anchor. And I am addicted to the spiral of moods you put me through. It is a bittersweet journey, a never-ending voyage of me being abused by one of nature’s magnificent beauties.

 

Up and down and around we went,

I guess that’s what you get for being in love with someone bipolar.

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Posted in: Wanderlust