Speak by Dalia

Posted on April 27, 2013 by

0


I’ll inhale this cigarette tonight,
To cleanse the vacancy I feel within.
And exhale a gust of intoxicating smoke
Which – If you look close enough –
Spells out every word
I’ve left unsaid.

 

You see, darling,
Whenever I try
To speak my mind,
My voice abandons me.

 

But the words
I wish to say
Linger –

 

They wrap around me
Like ivy,
Leaving scars
In places you have yet
To discover.

 

(Yes, dear, there are parts of me you have yet to discover)

 

Parts –
Like the back of my throat,
Where I choke on the words
“B-but I love you ..”
As I watch you leaving;
Shredding me to fragments
So meager,
I became too weak to gather
Myself.

 

Parts –
Like the gleam in my eyes,
That burned out
To debris
As I realized I had lost you long ago.

 

(As I realized it might have all been just an illusion)

 

Parts –
Like my desperate skin,
Wailing out of deprivation
For your sedating touch.

 

(For a lover that is no longer there)

 

Parts –
Like the raging platelets of blood
Within me,
Roaring
Out of suffocation
For your scent-occupied-oxygen,
That it adjusted to for far too long.

 

Parts –
Beyond all,
Like the prison-ed syllables and vowels
Inside of me,
Forever lurking for and escape.
And more-often-than-not,
Their exits are wounds
I ache for you to remedy.

 

But you are gone now.

 

You deserted me
When I told you
I was delicate;
(Instead of handling me with care.)

 

And for that, I forgive you.

 

You were an artist,
One I truly admired.
Until of me you created
A damaged portrait,
That you later auctioned off.

 

(As if the affection we shared was something anyone could tag a price on)

 

But, lover, I forgive you.

 

You were the lines
I have highlighted
Of a page
I leave bookmarked,
In a novel I read
Over and over.

 

You were an ocean
In which I drowned,
Hopelessly.

 

You –

 

You were everything
These fragile hands craved to hold
For eternity.
But the gaps,
Between my fingers,
Were cracks I thought I sealed
And still somehow,
You managed to slip
Away.

 

Now,
I am left
With nothing

But the memory of your lips
Pressed against
The scars,
Across these mistreated wrists,
Of mine.

 

You healed me.
But with every step you took
Away,
I felt myself unraveling
Again.

 

I felt the words
Clawing
Up my airways,
And my lungs
Caving in
On me,
In attempt to utter the word
“Stay”.

 

But,
You see, darling,
Whenever I try
To speak my mind,
My voice abandons me.

 

 

So now,
I’ve spent all night
Inhaling cigarettes,
With the thought
Of inhaling you
On my mind;

 

Wishing I could have asked you

To kiss me,
Before you left,
And read the words
I have tattooed
Along my bottom lip,

 

(Maybe then,
You’ll understand 
Why I never dare to
Speak)

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