Speak by Meshael Al Blehed

Posted on April 27, 2013 by

2


Hello, can you hear me? Am I clear? Am I understood?

 

Am I understood?

 

For too long, I have spent my life rearranging every drop in the ocean to make sense of how I can deliver each and every word in a succession of tidal waves without drowning in them.

But my pockets have been filled with stones by none other than diction as it laughs at how I am dragged to the bottom of the sea.

 

I am hollow on the inside; there is no more expression in this shell of mine. I have exhausted every word in me with this pen, paper vacated any sense of meaning I could have had.

 

Much like city streets in the dead of night, I am many constructed paths that lead to nowhere in particular.

 

There are no words left for me.

Each word I have met, became infatuated with and gotten to know.

Each word I introduced to all my friends.

Each word a lover I cannot bear to part.

And when the time comes (and oh, how it comes so quickly), they decide it’s time for a break or that we should see others. I realize that it’s not me, it’s them, because they have left me without as much as articulating anything I had truly meant to say.

 

Given their departure, my thoughts have waged a cold war against words.

Listener, I need deliverance from every thread of thought of mine that found its way to tie a noose around me.

And it is through you; I need to speak of what is within you.

I need to connect, and wade through every stream of thought flowing through you because mine have dried, shriveled, and killed off everything that grew around them.

 

Words might have deserted me, but they shall adore you. They will sound out your very pulse in light of the solace your soul emits.

It is why I want, have, and need to speak the essence of you, listener.

I want to collect every goosebump as my words melt into your skin, trophies of a coveted triumph; knowing that they have met with your heart and it welcomed them.

I want to meet you at the most secluded corner of your mind and show you how I’ve made a home of what goes on through it.

 

I think I need you to want me to speak for you. But I think most of all, I want to be a writer.

 

And when I have immersed myself in your entire being, I wish to hear from you what would validate the process of losing myself to emulate yours, what would validate my very existence.

 

“I understand.”

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