War by Dalia Al Shurman

Posted on May 20, 2013 by

1


The tumor cells that ended you have been speeding through my memory,
Like bullets and missiles,
And succeeded in ending my piece of mind as well.

I have been choking on piles of ashes, 
From the fire ignited within me, 
And sleeping with eyes wide open since. 

They always questioned the hunger behind them
And why every time life issued me 
Lover after lover after lover, 
I refused to open up.  

But somehow,
They never stopped coming.

Though- 
Whenever one tried to trespass my barb wired grounds, 
I stood behind the trigger, 
With a shaky voice and sweaty palms, 
And I wondered why 
They never stopped coming ..

Maybe they have mistaken my rage for passion. 

Maybe they were oblivious to how sometimes 
That same barrel of a gun is pointed at my own temples.  

But I find strength in the metastasizing momentum, 
Of furious armies of soldiers marching through my vessels and veins, 
To re-aim at the genuine target;
Cancer.
 

I have made a shelter, 
Out of my iron deficient bones,
And planted explosives around the circumference of this wounded body of mine, 
In preparation to attack.

My nail beds hide nuclear bombs
And instead of love I grew grenades, in and out of my darkest corners, 
Although every lover swore they knew exactly where to touch.

But- 
Maybe they can never comprehend that the pain, 
Due to the reality that my mother’s laughter is closest to yours, 
Is forever scared in my being. 

It pains me. 

My heart has become a ticking time bomb, 
And my thirst will not be quenched until 
I cease this war myself.

And let it be known from this day on,
That the next time a lover comes knocking,
I’ll lay my burdens down, and proudly utter 
“Stand back, I’m about to explode”.

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