War by Maha Al Mazrou

Posted on May 20, 2013 by

0


 

Between the layers of my mind, a duality exists, Two beings fighting for their own

character, feeling unsatisfied with occupying the same existence. Constantly

arguing hotly about me like if I was a chattel, and battling regularly for whom

will keep control over my personality.

And I sit silently by, cross-legged, a little bit high, on too much stinky

cigarette smoke that makes my eyes watery, contemplating the meaning of life.

 

What is the meaning of being a human? Is it just to breathe, think and feel? To be

born with nothing, and spending life trying to become something?

 

Or is it that everlasting life cycle from one’s birth to death? The will to leave

something behind, and take something in return. Or to just leave with nothing

when you used to be something?

 

My body is a never-ending war between hope and dismay. I’ve come to the

realization that humans are but lonely people and one shouldn’t be surprised.

Because from a telescopic vantage point, people are all just specks. So tiny

and insignificant. Floating in the solar system.  Haunted on a daily basis by the past and what the future holds.

 

And I am such a lucid mess because I always search for the road without a guide; until I reach that point where there is a long distance between me and myself. A

point where I can’t begin to cease the war inside my head. A point where I am but

a hint to a puzzle with no answer. I try so badly to bring this story to an end

but then I realize that I can’t because the story is not mine alone.

 

So I set myself on fire, trying to turn the thoughts that are constantly swirling in

my mind to ash. But I just can’t help getting more fireproof over time.

 

I only long for the day where I write something mesmerizing, something that

leaves people completely dumbfounded because now I know that beauty is found in

lines of poetry and not in the eyes of people. And when this moment comes, it will

be so magical, pixie dust will not compare, and I will be ready to be born anew;

but for now, I should wait till the war between my dual entities is over.

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