Reply by Raghad Rijraji

Posted on November 8, 2013 by

0


I’m all right,

but I get anxiety attacks thinking everyone could see through the cracks.

Even the kids, especially the kids.

 

I’m all right,

but I’ve nursed the idea of a bright future until I was only able to see two feet

in front of me.

 

I’m all right,

but I know too little about love and too much about loss.

 

I’m all right,

but I’m just never quite sure if it’s envy or my inherent sense of horrible

dissatisfaction, but all the people I have admired have unintentionally

contributed to my succumb to self-loathing.

 

I’m all right,

but even though the truth is liberating, I’m still indulging in illusions.

 

I’m all right,

but I’m nauseous.

 

I’m all right,

but oh, Lord, I’ll never know if that brilliant stream of consciousness is

tearing everything apart or paving a way to enlightenment.

 

I’m all right,

but I stay awake most nights thinking about confinement. About being

robbed of the option of letting go.

 

I’m all right,

but I can’t sleep.

 

I’m all right,

but I need to be released into the cosmos because my spirit is growing

upwards while my body is growing downwards.

 

I’m all right,

but I’m crushed by the futility of ripping myself open to the stars and

burdening the night sky with my constant scrutiny.

 

I’m all right,

but I’m standing with one foot in reality and one foot in fiction.

 

I’m all right,

but there’s so much mediocrity in the water I’m drinking and I can feel it

seeping through this reply.

 

I’m all right,

but good listeners make me nervous.

 

Now you all know, so go ahead and study all of my nuances, study me good and understand how I’ve battered myself with judgement. Find it in yourself to forgive me my naivety when I say that all of you seem fine to me; vital, beautiful, present, while I’m prone to doing wrong by my soul.

 

I am a hesitant temporary projection of my true self, eager to ride that train back home; patiently waiting to ascend through forgiveness to Jannah.

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