Back To Me by Mimi

Posted on December 5, 2013 by

0


I don’t want to write about you, but you have become pen & paper to me.

 

Sometimes, I long for the parts of me that are more yours than mine.

Sometimes I feel like my world is crumbling down, and my high walls are no longer, they are bricks of ice melting, and I, I am melting too.

 

You hold the parts of me that are most dear, so give me back to me. Let me breathe air into lungs that are completely my own, I quit smoking the day I met you, and picked it right back up the day you left. When our bridges fell and we could no longer connect, I broke too. You gave my words meaning and now I am lost in translation.

 

What do I mean when I say I miss you? I mean I forgot the meaning of sleep without the sound of your steady breath easing me into it, I mean that my mind is racing and my heart won’t stop beating your name. So please, give me back to me. I’ve dumped too many things into voids of me that never fill up, because you left me empty, and full of holes that’s depths are unknown. You left a heart that is only at ease when you smile.

 

I tattooed your name across my body 3 times. Turns out needles won’t fill this void either. Demons dance around my shoulders day in and day out, Because this is the real world, there are no angels, only devils in disguise.

 

I don’t want you to break me so easily, but I shatter around you. I am a shell of what I was. I need to build me from the ground up. I need bricks that you can’t huff and puff away. I want walls between us. I want a place to bury you that isn’t the scars between my fingers. *sigh*

 

I want peace. I want to stop looking for you in reflections at the bottom of my glass. I want to take a breath and not exhale your name. I want to stop carrying myself carefully like I’m the match treading sandpaper. I want to run free.

 

I want this fairytale turned nightmare to end. I want to see flecks of white instead of your face every time I blink. I want the smell of your hair to stop stalking me. I want to stop seeing you in random objects. I want to stop looking for you in everyone I meet. I want to cut the words “You would love this” from my dictionary. Hell, I want to cut off all the words that start with the letters of your name.

 

So for God’s sake, just give me back to me.

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